Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
