You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
