i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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