My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
