i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
