The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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