you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
two words...techno handjob
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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