Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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