somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
