i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize