I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
