4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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