dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
