My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
