i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize