update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
