I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize