So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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