Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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