Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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