Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
