there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
