You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I FOUND THE LEGS
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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