You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
