I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
