we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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