She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize