I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Don't make out with my wife yet
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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