Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
