She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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