u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
