Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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