are you so shy because you have an std?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
