No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
