You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
