5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
