i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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