i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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