It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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