Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
