so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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