Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize