I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
