so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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