alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Randomize
