Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just pee around me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
