apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
