I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
