I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
