i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
