I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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