Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
