Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
