oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
