Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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