Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
