I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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