On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
