If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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