Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
