So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
