So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
