I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
